Self-Validation and Overwhelm Management Tools

As a highly functional and intellectual woman with a wide range of interests and skill sets transitioning through menopause and digesting sudden onset complex PTSD from back-to-back traumas in 2024 (and truthfully still digesting multiple losses the convid shit-show threw at me, like the near complete abandonment from my family and local community), I have found myself having to pause and slow down, something my type A personality, “doer”, perfectionist self despises. One cannot go through a metamorphosis without stopping. To cope and manage my life I have had to allow myself pause and learn new skills to manage the overwhelm. I have had to stop people-pleasing, over-giving, over-explaining, and putting myself last.

I thought to share some of these tips and tools with you in a summarized, concise manner. A lot is happening in the world that is truly heartbreaking. Many of us feel unseen and unheard. So many are still dying from the poison shots they were coerced into taking, all while the world ignores the damage done, inside of their Stockholm syndrome minds and hypnotic TV stares. Weather modification, one-world domination, AI fast-tracking, wars, mass immigration, plane crashes, the trans-agenda mutilating our kids, poisoned food, air, and water, and the overall dumbing down of people can feel very intense. We aren’t meant to know so much at once, especially so much negativity. Our nervous systems are pumped up to 11 leading to chronic illness. We need to find a more effective path.

Many people may feel “depressed” but a lot of this depression is just demotivation due to a lack of validation (or vitamin D deficiency, depending on where you live). Only as children are we validated by the outside world; once we are adults, this external validation dries up and we are left to our own devices. Our communities are broken (by design) and loneliness is peaking. We need to focus on healing our inner child, integrating our emotional wounds, and listening within for guidance.

Our mind-body-spirit complex is one, is a whole, and not separate pieces. I learned this on an even deeper level when I took an advanced Paida Lajin class in Bulgaria with Master Kamen in October. Somatic release and integration are crucial pieces to healing trauma and complex trauma. Talk therapy is only about 10 percent of the needed healing. I also use Matthew Zoltan’s UNDO app (discount code YUMMY23) for deep integration, as well, I see a Gestalt therapist to feel heard and guided.

Validating Yourself

• Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgment – Recognise emotions as valid, without labeling them as ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

  • Example: “It’s okay to feel this way. My emotions are here to teach me something.” I like to do EFT tapping as I practice positive self-talk.

• Reframe Negative Self-Talk – Replace criticism with compassionate self-talk.

  • Instead of: “I’m such a failure.”

  • Say: “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t define me.” or “It is okay, I am learning something important.”

• Honour Your Needs – Recognise when you need rest, nourishment, or emotional support. Don’t force yourself when you know you are drained, hungry or tired.

• Validate Your Struggles – Remind yourself that challenges are real and it’s okay to feel burdened.

  • Example: “This is difficult, and that’s understandable.” You can also tell yourself “I am doing better every day.”

• Recognise Your Growth – Reflect on how far you’ve come.

  • Example: “I’ve handled similar situations before. I’m learning and growing.”

• Practice Self-Compassion – Speak to yourself as you would a dear friend.

  • Example: “I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.”

• Give Yourself Permission to Feel – Allow emotions to move through you without suppressing them. Let the tears flow and the anger come out of you, just don’t direct it at anyone. Hold space for yourself, allowing yourself to be with your emotions without distraction or avoidance.

• Journal Your Thoughts – Writing out emotions helps process and validate them. It is best to write it with your own hand rather than typing if you can. This triggers a different part of your brain.

• Trust Your Own Perception – Your experiences and insights are valid, even if others don’t fully understand them. Over time clarity will come.

• Celebrate Small Wins – Acknowledge everyday efforts and progress.

  • Example: “I got through today, and that’s a victory.”

• Engage in Self-Care – Physical, emotional, and spiritual nourishment affirms self-worth. Do something for yourself: take a bath, clean a room, light a candle and burn some incense.

• Use Positive Affirmations – Reaffirm your intrinsic value.

  • Example: “I am worthy of love and kindness.”

• Respect Your Boundaries – Setting and maintaining boundaries reinforces self-validation. Its okay to say “no.”

• Release External Validation Dependence – Remind yourself that you don’t need external approval to be worthy. Does it really matter what they think? How does someone else’s opinion of you change who you are?

• Find a Supportive Community – Surround yourself with people who honour and validate you. Even one friend can make a difference.

Validating Others

1. Active Listening – Give full attention, maintain eye contact, and refrain from interrupting.

2. Reflective Statements – Repeat or paraphrase what they’ve said to show understanding.

   • Example: “That sounds really frustrating for you.”

3. Empathetic Responses – Express understanding of their emotions.

   • Example: “I can see why you’d feel that way.”

4. Affirm Their Feelings – Let them know their emotions are valid.

   • Example: “It makes sense that you feel overwhelmed with everything going on.”

5. Ask Open-Ended Questions – Encourage deeper expression.

   • Example: “What’s been the hardest part of this for you?”

6. Acknowledge Their Perspective – Even if you disagree, validate their right to their experience.

   • Example: “I understand why you see it that way.”

7. Support Their Autonomy – Encourage their decision-making without imposing your own views.

   • Example: “You know yourself best—trust that.”

8. Celebrate Their Strengths – Recognise their efforts and resilience.

   • Example: “You handled that situation with a lot of grace.”

9. Be Non-Judgmental – Avoid dismissing or minimising their experience.

   • Instead of: “It’s not a big deal.”

   • Say: “That must have been really tough for you.”

10. Use Gentle Physical Touch (if appropriate) – A pat on the shoulder, hug, or hand squeeze can reinforce connection.

11. Validate Their Struggles Without Fixing – Offer support without rushing to solutions.

    Example: “I hear you. Let me know how I can support you.”

12. Give Space When Needed – Sometimes, validation means letting them process without pressure.

13. Stay Present – Simply being there, even in silence, validates their experience.

Steps to Manage Overwhelm and Stay Productive

Overwhelm can be paralyzing, leading to avoidance, demotivation, and burnout. The key is to break things down, create flow, and reduce mental clutter while maintaining momentum.

Here’s how:

1. Pause & Regulate Your Nervous System

Overwhelm activates the stress response, making it difficult to think clearly. Before taking action:
✔ Breathe – Try deep belly breathing or the 4-7-8 method (inhale through the nose for 4s, hold for 7s, exhale out of the mouth for 8s). Try Buteyko Breathing.
✔ Ground Yourself – Stand barefoot on the earth, stretch, or do body tapping.
✔ Name It – Acknowledge the overwhelm: “I feel overwhelmed, and that’s okay. I can handle this.” Tap it out.

2. Brain Dump Everything (Clear Mental Clutter)

✔ Write EVERYTHING down in a list—tasks, worries, ideas, to-dos. Getting it out of your head reduces the burden.
✔ Don’t filter—just dump everything onto paper or a digital notepad.
✔ Group similar tasks together to identify patterns.

3. Prioritise Ruthlessly (Not Everything Is Equal)

✔ Use the Eisenhower Matrix:

• Urgent & Important – Do first.

• Important, Not Urgent – Schedule.

• Urgent, Not Important – Delegate.

• Neither Urgent nor Important – Delete.
  ✔ Pick 1-3 top priorities for the day—focusing on less creates momentum.

4. Break It Down (Micro-Steps Prevent Paralysis)

✔ Overwhelm often comes from seeing the whole mountain instead of the next step.
✔ Break big tasks into tiny, doable micro-actions.

• Instead of “Write my book,” → “Write one paragraph.”
• Instead of “Clean the house,” → “Tidy one drawer.”
  ✔ Completing small steps creates dopamine hits that fuel motivation.

5. Use the 5-Minute Rule (Start Small to Get Unstuck)

✔ Commit to just 5 minutes of action.
✔ Often, starting is the hardest part—once you begin, momentum carries you.
✔ If 5 minutes feels too much, do 2 minutes!

6. Reduce Decision Fatigue (Automate & Simplify)

✔ Too many choices drain energy. Reduce unnecessary decisions:

• Have a morning routine to start strong.
• Plan meals in advance.
• Set up a default outfit or uniform for daily wear.

  ✔ Automate repetitive tasks to free mental space.

7. Set Timers & Work in Focused Sprints (Not Long Sessions)

✔ Use the Pomodoro technique: Work for 25 minutes, then take a 5-minute break.
✔ Short bursts prevent burnout and create focus momentum. Stretch your body and move in between!

8. Declutter Your Environment (Outer Chaos = Inner Chaos)

✔ A messy space contributes to overwhelm.
✔ Clear your workspace or reset one small area to create clarity.

9. Schedule Breaks & Rest (Not Optional!)

✔ Overwhelm = Exhaustion. Build intentional rest into your day.
✔ Try movement-based breaks (walk, stretch, shake it out).
✔ Prioritise sleep—lack of sleep amplifies overwhelm. Take a 15-minute power nap or meditate.

10. Reframe & Shift Your Perspective

✔ Instead of “I have too much to do,” → say “I’ll tackle one thing at a time.”
✔ Ask: “What’s the next smallest step I can take?”
✔ Remember: Done is better than perfect.

11. Ask for Help or Delegate

✔ You don’t have to do everything alone—delegate or ask for support.
✔ Let go of tasks that don’t truly require your attention.

12. Celebrate Progress (Not Just Completion)

✔ Acknowledge every step forward.
✔ Create a “Done” list to see accomplishments.
✔ Reward yourself for progress, not just perfection.

13. Focus on Terrain Health (Support Your Body & Mind)

✔ Overwhelm is amplified by poor nutrition, dehydration, and toxicity buildup.
✔ Support yourself with:

• Hydration (structured water, herbal teas)

• Nourishing foods (avoid stimulants and processed junk)

• Magnesium & B vitamins for nervous system support

• Contrast hydrotherapy (hot/cold showers boost resilience)

• Take Cod Liver Oil in the winter months to prevent depression.

• Psy-Stabil by Pekana is very helpful for anxiety or panic attacks.

Start Where You Are

Overwhelm shrinks when you take one small step. You don’t need to feel ready—just begin. Momentum builds motivation, not the other way around. I know times are tough but we can get through this. Use the tools we have available and be loving with yourself. You are not alone.

With compassion,

💚ADV

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Amandha D Vollmer (ADV)
BSc, Herbalist, Reiki Master,
Holistic Health Practitioner,
Degree of Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine

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